black mood, I wanted to stay home and write today - burn things, watch the smoke trails, and see what wisdom there is in small signs. Trees in my neighborhood don't care about the election, right? Wait - what about permission for polluting power plants and standing against the kyoto protocol.

after months of immersion studying the issues and the white men that stood for them I'm in a massive sort of hangover moment. nothing I would have intended has come to pass. I could perhaps feed off of "the other side's" happiness but I'm just mostly scared.

but I can't skip school, for my classmates. we're showing films today and we comment on them and to skip class is to disengage from that shared evolution experience. I love it but today I'm not doing it so well. The films are not distracting me! They're sending me deeper.

I had a family member in Florida counting ballots. He tried his best, he said, and he saw many other people working hard too. For "our side." For the side that seems to me to represent reasoned debate, compassion, freedom and responsibility. But there's just more of them, he said, audibly shaking his head. We have to acknowledge that. There's just more of them. And this is their country.

meanwhile, I was at an election watching party in hills over Los Angeles. a lot of people watching wall-sized projected images from network television. I went around sharing my concern with partygoers: "I think Bush just took Florida" and many replied, "is that important?" the group showed signs of movement and energy when a spirit chant for victory was proposed. we stood in a circle, surrounding a candle, and willed our energy to drive democratic success. that didn't pan out I guess.

A number of my friends proposed leaving the United States if George Bush is re-elected. Groping for a silver lining to the Republican-Evangelical control of the House, Senate, White House, and soon, the Supreme Court, I say, well at least we should see a flourishing of the arts and culture. Local and cultural initiatives to fight control. To argue on behalf of a shrinking minority population it seems.

Something great will come out of this. Another day alive on the earth is a blessing. I want love between all people. Whatever we can do