leaving town tomorrow - I can feel some velocity return. Preparations, presents. The world gears down for a holiday as the economy of family lurches into high gear. Everywhere is shoppers - I'm bringing home my favorite salad dressing: bottles of it for my nearest and dearest.

School is a lurching frenzy too - a steady buildup to finals, a spastic effort to finish all you're worth for a semester and then you're left with free time. Weeks of it. One friend, she immediately went to start temping to make some money to pay for her time in Myth Making school. She's a film school student who works for her education.

I had a party, and I finally started opening my mail. I discovered an invitation from the person with whom I lost my virginity - she turned 30 before I did and we missed each others parties.

So I'm preparing for the road. Calling old girlfriends, and new ones, the gal my mom never liked, maybe we can meet after dark after family events, after greek food, and even after christmas church - I'll take off my tie but maybe leave on my vest and borrow my mom's aged old tank and drive to some tenament if she'll have me.

My brother will be there, which means spectacular speculation: each day spent filling the night with visions of all Chicago has to offer. He'll plot and prod us to visit clubs and plays and parties and bars and my hope is that he'll wear himself out with the planning and jet lag and fall asleep early so I can go out and spend some quality time with my lips locked around someone I find beautiful.

Like Thanksgiving, I was expecting to cook, but my mother's neighbors are hosting a large feast and we're invited. So I'll be mingling with another family, which is fine because I don't see much difference - fewer shared memories seems to be about the sum of it. I love dearly the people I see year after year but I can learn to love others quickly.