Wrap your thin fingers please around this leaden heart
Hold tight I will bring you down
June 2011 Archives
I have come to see my remaining years as raw material for the construction of a family.
stranger woman adjacent on the plane:
sleeping cheek on your left arm
has you leaning toward me
I don't suppose you want to be held?
I write wordstrings on my mobile phone, then I paste them here later.
So, some backfill:
or just read the scroll below! Somehow in sequence as you hold these bits of screed in your attention span, I'm grateful that you might reconstitute my being in your mind! Let's share this time!
In moments of lessness
Perhaps I shall remember
Embody characteristics I wish to attract
When I am feeling incomplete
Which quality of my vision
Could I embody next?
I could breathe to eat
First I need emotional bariatric surgery
To constrain my appetites
wait is that a lobotomy?
I shall take this vast empty Void
My hunger for the world
And carry my swelling and shrinking stomach
Each morning perched on a three legged stool over a vaporous crack
I shall give birth to reshape the day before
a new view on recent sustenance!
Sometimes other people
Groups of upright apes
They'll weigh my heart
The clouds look low enough to touch
And just when I think the sky has bent towards my sullen withdrawal
I see a hill above me and below the clouds
I can see how round and full that hill looks
Beautiful mystery fecundity
It's pretty and within reach
But I can't stick my dick in a hill.
I work in a busy office
One standing desk in a sea of stimulating desks
Now here in a stall I take refuge
Seated, reading news
I browse the world briefly
Before my legs fall asleep
I will wash my hands
And step back forward
have my phone stolen
somehow I need more physical contact from the world just now
Sad and strolling amidst chatting people
In a bustling downtown you can see so many lives pass
Let's measure our situation relative
To our human family, skins
I see that man carry his giant coffee mug in a petite Tumi shopping bag
She has rolling luggage and a floppy hat - huffing at anyone nearby
These are humans too! Maybe also alone tonight wherever they sleep
And happy for it? To put my mind in other bodies offers such limited grasp on extended love
Upwards and outwards towards the top of a woman just below her thinking organ where her heart meets a fine place to plant your nose and smell
My eyes are drawn then downwards to take in all the twin surroundings for her stride
If I can watch her move then I should be moving, otherwise she grows small in time and I am still in the moment
A moment encompassing childbirth and her career growth, the shoulder I recline on gently awake in the small hours
Carrying empty tupperware from a successful offsite dinner party hah
Gentle firm debates around rearing techniques grounded in mutual admiration
Next I shall write an aspirational screed to another unknown lover myself