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2 march, 1996
I saw student activism today
good to see change energy
motivation

I learned about pragmatism

and propheticism
(thanks always to yonnie

today was also
screw your roommate
wander around the dining hall
persue absurd coordination
find your partner, your "screw date"
marco your polo
indiana jones rescues a cellophaned food flung grl
some chem major dressed as an alcohol molecule
finds an anti-alcohol enzyme

I would have acted out
but my girlfriended roommate Ben
we didn't set me up with a screw

busy lamenting my state
until I got over myself
free to sleep, work roam slow
unattached
today
someday I'll be properly screwed.
then tonight we pack the gym
sweaty college

beforehand reading

time and the other
dense, getting better
anthropologists distance their subjects

I seldom go out these days without a camera
never without my notepad.

I stood on a chair overlooking the crowd

and it looked like
"big high school college dance footage"
nothing distinguished

off the chair, on the same level

I notice swarthmore freak motion
distinctive

when I took off my bag jacket and toolbelt,

I felt ecstatic
engaged!
there is a far smaller party downstairs
thrown by the LBGA
lebian gay bisexual allied
are all my hip friends
hiply swaying and exchanging talk

more cigarette smoke
less couples dancing fixity

less meat hunting
diffuse energy of individuals
more unique dressers
funky ego dancers

I split my time between
doubtless dancing
upstairs eighties greats
techno dance compulsion
and the artistic elite

why the choice?

I ran into fey jessica
white on white
seems excited by me these days
strange how you grow on people from a distance
I danced close to her and a she friend
too high to be cool
mostly thoughtful

high cuz
a friend encouraged me out
prefaced by a fresh green glass bong hit
and some jimi hendrix
like the old days

strong pot makes me think abstractly
explain myself thorough concise
no one argues with me

mom would approve me getting high
tonight if only cuz I tend to stoned clean my room...

and contemplate...

mariah is steadily borrowing my possessions
creating a personal surrounding of my physical presence?
absorbing my surface reality as her own to project?
pisces?

I brought a lighter when I go to party

curteous light provider
now no longer
I don't like smoke

my high friend urged me
not to write speeches like I did for the Rand
speak straight from self
and flex for the crowd situation.
protest reminations
cuz chatting with jilted julia
not brooding over last night
but infatuated with a cute barrell maker
she's "heard he's a committed bachelor"
she asks him if he will share dating time with her
his obvious answer
flat no.

who wants to think about making a committment in the abstract?

express desire as tangible,
doable or not doable.
I try to maintain a sane diet
julia encourages me to eat
phoenixes
- regional eupamism for egg muffins
(I add a hashbrown patty)
puts me to sleep!

you need to eat them justin!
strength - you're eating ovaries!

(she thinks I'm too thin,
she calls me chicken butt.)

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