2 oct 1996

oct 2

second day in a row, christiana massage

today is this breakthrough
that I said I was going back to swarthmore

why?
because of my friends mostly

but I have friends here
and there is more to that place than those people

and so if I go, how will I do those things?

or will I do some more like this weekend

you have a nice place to leev
a good job,
good teachers
so why would you leeav dis?

and I begin to think
outward tradjectory
envision the ideal
unfettered learning time
living alone
and a desk at an office with voice mail and a fat net connection
and all of a sudden it is possible
and I reaffirm my decision to postpone decision on my future college career

and I remember that I am cold
and christiana can sell me her old comforter
and she reminds me to check the fireplace
and I remember I need a tea pot
having let go of my future plans

or rather attachments,
I am aware of my world around me,
tonight I will be cold.
tomorrow, I would like tea.
this is more important than what is six months from now

and will likely change by then.
so I can go to swarthmore, and visit my friends
I dream of distributing most of my possessions there
keeping all my books on a public shelf at cyborganic

all these ideas flood into my head as I am freer from worry

and christiana observes,
that if I am to serve as any kind of servant or guide for folks
I need to learn that lesson to teach it -
to worry or plan your future is to foresake some faith in flow.

and this, she does,
add my birth month, 12, day, 16, and year, 1974
all digits combined equal 4
4 then is my birth card in tarot
the emporer
afterwards, on the haight,
I track down tarot,
emporer -
"I trust my power; I serve by ruling, I rule by serving."

wayne coerced kari to purchase lunch for he and I

joined by vjim and turntable philip

meetings at minds

the more testy other folks

often the more upbeat I am
by the end, everyone's been testy,

everyone is joking.

howard invited me to a katie hafner cocktail affair
down south in palo alto
but I have a lot to do, it seems
so he gives me ten seconds to decide

I scoff at that pressure
he leaves without goodbye

I have a great meeting with abbe
informed by this morning's clarity
I'd like to stay past launch
but I want to be a student
so like a 3/4 time or half time worker
and a book writing public library denizen otherwise

I have a vision for a future pedagogical expansion of electric minds
these resources, these people,
I could implement something wonderful

I think abbe understands

I'm very excited

and I stay later
find out
our admin hilarie was a wheel of fortune champion in the 70s

dinner with wayne and vjim
much shit talk
gossip and plans
future freelance
vjim regrets not being geek cereal participant
the way we work, it's like
of 12 hours at work

11 spent on spacebar
and that last hour, we're the fuckin' hottest god damned digital drone on the block
jim sez, we should find our friends who work like that,

and start a business!

wayne sez wrong.
I like to make cool web pages, I want to start a business

nuh uh. they don't go.

too much overhead

kind of like me,
I want to write a book, I want to start a publishing company

overhead.

partnerships.

ideal,
scale life to live off parttime/freelance salary
and make good on your days

back chillin' in the e-minds crib
checkin' out the crested butte weather
listening to nas
break for tai chi - too much wrist pain.

sometimes I recieve e-mail like this:

Date: Wed, 02 Oct 1996 14:08:56 -0700 From: LOGOdeMUNILOPIO <nvanbor@sec.miracosta.cc.ca.us> Organization: 15th Crack Smoking Brigade To: justin@cyborganic.net Subject: We have proof: Linguine evaporates super-nymphotic ductile pores Mr Hall, TRANSFER YOUR BRAIN-CONTENTS TO HIGH COMMAND IMMEDIATELY OR YOU WILL BE EVISCERATED!! WE HAVE TAKEN CONTROL OF YOUR WEB-PAGE. SUBMIT OR YOU WILL BE HUMILIATED BEFORE AN AUDIENCE OF 500,000,000,000 EAGER ON-LOOKING CAPTIVATED SEX VIXENS WHO WOULD OTHERWISE HAVE THROWN THEMSELVES AT YOUR FEET READY TO PREFORM DEXTROUS ACTS OF MANUSTRAPATION!!!! LOGOdeMUNILOPIO Commander, 15th Crack Smoking Brigade

tomorrow, I leave for dstory.
abbe's going to help me get there,
the two of us, and spoon,
it's 4am, and we're still printing shit out at the office.

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