now you listen here sonny,
I been on this net before you even heard about the web on teevee
why, I remember back in 94, when you could still surf the whole wide web in a certified week! from the dead sea scrolls to the world bank home page, there wadn't much to look at
and we liked it!
nowadays, they got them new fangled coffee tricks and my browser's always crashin'
it wasn't always like this, there was a time when pages were simple, when people weren't trying to distract you with links and ads graffix didn't jump out at you or make a lot of useless noise
now, I got to have 16 megabytes of memory just to reach the president!
'round here, they call me justin. folks might remember me as the guy with a personal web page. back in the early days of the web, up until a few months ago, I had a real popular personal web pageI'll tell you what else is unamerican -
cuz I talked about sex!
you won't see me messin' 'round much with that stuff no more, no sir
I talk about my life. and my diet. and my digestive tract.
cuz that's what's important!
an' helpin' folks
aww sex, it's always been popular, but now there's just so many sex sites
and they all want yer money!
why, I remember when you could still get a good piece of ass on the net without a credit card
now they're all wantin' to know if you's an adult
why it's practically unamerican
I was never hornier than I was at sixteen
they got them big time corporate gollywhoppers with no more web sense than my step father, who barely even seen the thing, let alone surfed it
well, they got these guys on the covers of national magazines pitchin' all sorts of strategy and future and what not
I tell you this,
there was a time on the web when having a good story to tell, and a lot of personal passion to tell it, was the most important thing to generate a lot of hits.
nowadays, all you got to do is quit yer day time teevee show, get a new haircut and a corporate sponsor, announce yer product and you'll be hyped from here to toleedo.
I'll tell you what.
if you know any of those web kids, them "cybree punks" makin' all them medias,
you tell ol' justin sez to get off their butts and put more time into their personal web pages
it's like this zen master was sayin' the other day on cable,
you got to look within somethin' like that