Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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links.net : vita : fam : mcclurg : november 1999
Gramma died and I didn't go.

so i'm sorry mom
sorry i stayed with the young men
watching wrestlemania and making jokes from movies
while decent people accostomed to death
made small donations
songs five dollar bills and flowers
an organist cousin from omaha

even two cousins off the continent
flew from nairobi and munich to pay homage
while i nursed green snot with fourteen hour workdays
indulgence in the face of the timeless

i've been to many anniversaries and birthdays now
for my grandparents
two reasons to gather around them a year
this is a tougher thing
to put off your striving and you're tired
to join in
etching memories of a grand woman
on the cold ground of the cleveland cemetery

once i was young and sad that my mother was too busy
to attend to me deeply
and now I have come into the same behaviour myself
fulfilling my work obligations
leaves me too drained to be of use otherwise
it's not pleasant for any involved

but Delia, i'm sure you're too happy to care
free floating in a state of release
watching your husband return to his primal fishing grounds
your family returning to their affairs with you on their tongues
your body goes down as your essence flies up
and all that weight of your final years
is ours to carry and share for a few days

soon you'll exist as a memory and an inspiration
a teacher with a tough assignment
a homemaker with a good cookie
a mother with a good solution.

your god bless you gramma

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