Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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links.net : vita : swat : 95.09.14
becky came by this night
laying on my bed
she established my distance for me
described how people are hurt
by my outsider status
promising by listening
and pushing them away
elena heard that she'll be hurt by me
I can see myself
aloof disinterested love
a weirdo who is friendly from another planet
how many freaks have I befriended
I just want their stories
take me to their lands sometimes
somehow I desire that connection
visualize the ideal
it's not jorge and I in a bed
but drunk shouting
I can't; he's too loud
he needs to shout too much
this is what my father drank to kill
the pain of not being close enough to peopl
being well liked and cool
your career takes off
as you share less and less of your soul

I'm so damn observant,
keeps me mistrustful disillusioned
or loving each equally
I expect them to be in the moment
and I'm disappointed when they're not
in the moment after
still, my phone rings a lot
is it the nice girls?
or the needy,
waiting to have their head checked
a knife buried up inside my back turned
talking to the next 'un
so who am I close with jennifer
I express my career path "spiritual" doubts
I've come into so much power
directed soul
unpoured to people
is internet enriching
that I identify the spiritual with the professional
how could I think of betraying larry
what I am I doing to chandra
or am I really doing good
am I really doing justin
is there more to me now than this
observant celebrating and there
recording for what?
who's going to read about the pot I didn't smoke?
should I be smoking it?
what is tantamount to life?

someone I loved
or needed
she needed me to
but masked it long enough
to foster desire
I see it again perhaps
false confidence
or deeper pathos
how can I respect strong womanhood
is honest with her frailties
as we forgive those who tresspass against us

everything is an experiment
impermanent impregnated with doubt
the buddah realized it
so am I enlightened
wisdom and compassion
and distance
and alone

like a junkie
I can go anywhere and make new friends
but who do you keep
those voices in my head
still alone
but raina says "that's wonderful"

I've built up the largest self-approval mechanism in the world
the web ain't hard -
now I have people stroking me about my life

really,
it's absurd.

every year or so
it was more often when I was young
someone has enough history with me
to accuse me of being distant
detatched
women tell me this
gk is your oldest friend

are you close with him?
are you close with him?

becky | swat | life

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