You are my teacher, too, pal.

Don't worry about the length of your writing, Justin. That's not what's important. Your paragraphs have punch.

About adulthood: I feel like you were struggling with these issues 4 years ago, when you were seemingly suburban and settled, but also part of an underground bay-area art scene. Having a 9-5 job will be your definition of adulthood when and if you decide that's what you want. Until then, however you act, your adulthood or non-adulthood will be tinged with impulsiveness, energy, pushing boundaries, and stimulating senses. Basically, why are you worrying about studying adulthood still? Put those demons to rest.

Life being challenging vs. easy is a separate dichotomy from adulthood/immaturity. The problem with challenge is that it means you're often wrong, that you have to rethink some important aspect of your existence. Challenging yourself, I've recently found, is not always smart. I find that the true challenges come whether you want them or not.

One internal challenge that I think is always worth pursuing is to try to do something so well that you must privilege process over product.

I also have some shallower responses to your piece.

I wish I owned that Ursula K. Le Guin translation of Tao Te Ching. I was giving another as a present, and I could never get into it. It's kind of sad to buy another copy, but it sounds like just the ticket. I love Le Guin's fiction.

I want to hear about why Korea seemed chauvinist in your mind. And I want to hear Christine and Jane's responses.

I lost you when you brought up your Daitokuji tour guide. How does that have to do with finding a new teacher along the lines of Howard? What about your American media projects? Your television show? If you're thinking of getting into politics, why? If you're thinking of writing a bible, why?

Yes you have to make a living, but that was never your first priority in the past. What's your priority now?

Really nice piece; a good demonstration of exactly what you talk about mid-way through, how you're deepening as a writer, finding discipline and craft, but not sacrificing the original voice you found when you first went to the web at the start.

Yer livin' a life most people don't even dream about.

Relax already dude.

You sound sorrowful Justin.
Your seventh paragraph reminded me of a quote from the book I just sent Jane, "In Chinese medicine, we understand that if you are grieving but cannot shed sufficient tears, you will crave heat on your lungs. That is why so many Chinese smoke."

Cool post Justin -- would love to hear your personal impression of Korea, however controversial or wrought out of frustration.

Is it more chauvinistic than Japan? It's not easy to be a woman in Korea, and I can attest to it, having visited and studied abroad there several times. The curious thing is that the Koreans view the Japanese as even more chauvinistic!

I've written some of my personal feelings on the subject on my web log, just some random initial thoughts and observations.

Keep writing Justin and doing what you do. You're a great teacher, photographer, writer. Best of all you are generous about sharing all of your talents.

Dont think of what to be ...be it! And remember , all these experiences must be balanced. I do miss the online young man who published love poems to Amy or chandra...and yet had time to fill us in on vg etc.
you arent cornered up against adulthood, the possiblilities are endless. if we read ourselves as text...with boundless interpretations

I am going to be cynical now. And unpopular.

Justin will never be an adult until he stops navel-gazing and grasps POLITICS & ECONOMICS.

And I don't mean some lame gestures at feminist consciousness.

I mean the hard facts of money & power.

Geographically enormous is Justin's world. But so narrow the confines of his spirit, as small as the stress-reaction on his scalp.

I say this as someone prone to similar self-absorbtion. Get out from under yourself!