i guess your neighbor is a little pessimistic, though i thought that he came off more as curt and snobbish.

nice work on the DVD! getting things into legitimate media formats like that always makes them seem cooler, somehow.

i knew there was a reason I couldn´t go to sleep last night, like a young kid eagerly awaiting Santa Claus to bring him a gift...

THANK YOU!

I'm getting to know my neighbor better and he's been extremely kind to me. He brings me books, he wakes up early to drive me to the airport - there's obviously a part of him that wants to be helpful and share knowledge. Sometimes that can come off brusque, but I think he's in it for the long haul. For example, he was initially dismissive of Katamari Damacy, but he came back to me a week later with some deeper, appreciative observations of that stellar game.

I'm coming to think of his pessimism, or whatever you call it, as his sense of humor. Maybe a defense mechanism. If I can engage it as a sort of humorous take on things, I find it rewarding because he does like to engage in sustained conversation. There's like a hunger for knowledge there that I appreciate.

I agree w/Brian. He was quick to comment (often negatively but mostly curtly) about everything I said, and had a sort of glaring visage. Plus - he's tall. This just made me feel kind of overwhelmed, and so I moved to create distance.

His daughter was cute. I wonder what it's like to have a dad who says things like "I didn't think girls HAD XBox!" when she's in the middle of expressing her interest in owning one. That must kind of suck.

i mean....i wasn't there, but i can see how easy it is to be pessimistic and negative in times like these. of course, like justin said, it might just be his style of humour...or his desire to play devil's advocate.

Sometimes people make comments like that because they feel like they need to say something, but find it difficult to say something positive to contribute to the conversation, so they say something negative that they feel might make them come off as intelligent because they are going against the grain in a conversation that they consider intellectual. I am guessing that maybe he felt out of place there and that this was the only way he knew how to interact with you guys. I don't know this guy, so I could be wrong, but I bet he was more uncomfortable than everyone else that was listening to him.

i can totally believe that he is an earnest and nice guy, but yeah, like robin says, he leaves a poor first impression.

in particular he rubbed me the wrong way with some comments that quickly gave me the impression that he was contrary in a closed-minded way.

for example, someone was talking about storytelling. i think maybe we were talking about the time we spent going around the table just talking about our lives. your neighbor's immediate response was "those aren't stories." dismissively, like. and slowly whoever was talking to him explained that, really, there's no reasn that those are not stories--your neighbor's objection was based on the narrow stance that a "story" is inherently a work of fiction--and your neighbor did slowly come around.

but why contradict people, shut them down so quickly initially? i would say this is his biggest problem with first impressions.

you, justin, are an excellent example of the opposite: if someone says something to you that you disagree with, your immediate reaction (in my experience) is to say "oh, really? why do you think that?" or something that expresses a curiosity and eagerness to engage in dialog, coupled with an open admission that you very well might be wrong and the other person might be right, and that, if so, there's nothing wrong with that.

quick contradiction just reeks--intentionally or not--of many things, among them closed-mindedness and arrogance.

on the upside, it should be an easy habit to train oneself out of, and i think it would improve his first impressions tremendously if he responded to people with sincere curiosity and interest rather than argument.

I had a similar experience with a guy recently ... who seemed similarly negative and contrarian for no reason. And his arguments were feeble; kind of like your neighbor's declaration that anything true isn't a "story."

I think Jason really nailed it when he said people often "say something negative that they feel might make them come off as intelligent because they are going against the grain in a conversation that they consider intellectual."

Justin, since this guy has openly expressed his bewilderment at people leaving conversations with him, perhaps you can offer him some gentle guidance, like, "Hey, man, be a little more open to things, don't be so dismissive, and people will enjoy talking with you more."

Wow - this is quite an analysis. I can't decide whether he'd be happy or not, to read this. I guess social medicine is not always easily swallowable.

My tactic is generally to reserve judgement, to pull back from offering direct advice unless someone is particularly far away from conversational. When my neighbor said, "girls don't have XBoxes" (in front of two women who work in the games industry and have owned many video game systems), I thought, well, the experience of being exposed to other ways of thinking should cure him of that. Maybe that's optimistic.

I think his admission to me, his observance that his conversational style wasn't working with my friends, that's a tremendous step forward. Self-awareness - first you see the source of suffering, then perhaps you can work around it. I have mixed feelings, James, about explaining to him better social tactics. I like talking to him on a few different levels, and I think being his friend and sharing experience and information with him, patiently, is probably a better way to develop a better social interaction than telling him how to act.

Then again if he brings up what he considers his social failings, perhaps I'll tell him, "you know, many people who read my web site have some social advice and analysis for you."

I think your initial impulse is correct Justin. It isn't up to you to tell him how to behave/interact. Great comment "social medicine...not easily swallowable"

uh, this is a really dumb thread.

Hi, this is my first time posting. :)
Your neighbor sounds a lot like myself...I'll say stuff like "Man, that sucks..." but I'm only kidding around and most of my friends will take me seriously when in reality I'm just trying to get a raise out of them. When your neighbor said "I didn't think girls had Xbox!" He sounds a lot like my father...again, just picking on his kid...playing around...I'm sure she understands that. When he says something "close minded" just try to look at it as his way of trying to get another response out of someone, yanking their chain, if you will. :)
But then again...I don't know how he worded it exactly...but from the replies he sounds a lot like me. :)