july 28
today:
weight lifting with muhammad alihand pain - killing myself doing what i love. maybe i should turn over the construction and maintenance of bud.com and just do article solicitation? turn it over to who? i'm too picky about layout and organization stuff - someone would have to be pretty patient and open minded, self-sufficient and flexible to stand that. i'll hold my breath.
i'm trying weight lifting, just a little, to improve my upper body (ie - tighten the skin now hanging off my arms). an 8 pound weight i lift and push around when i'm otherwise idling.
thought about work at a used clothing store on telegraph in berkeley - they're hiring soon and amy and eve encouraged me. how random would that be! retail: something offline to do, and lots of interactions. but i like setting my own schedule - not exactly ideal for retail, right?
reading sleeping where i fall, autobiography of peter coyote - a graduation gift from howard. he seems really aware of his place in history, his own mythology. that's a little hard to stomach at times. howard thinks that's funny - that's why he got it for me. that and the diggers, in the 60s, they made a genuine attempt to change the society playing field.
banana republic decided to run with a 50-something women instead, but they promised to keep me in their rolodex. that's nice.
why can't i use the computer like a normal person? amy - you're like an alcoholic. most people can drink normally. but some people take it too far, and they can't drink even after they recover.
i love to write - "your prolificality extended beyond your body"
what should i do with my days then? i'm left with personality. so she thinks i should be an actor. get an agent and start doing commercials. "forget that." so she promises to cast me in her first feature.
i thought by avoiding drugs and alcohol, and being a generally friendly person, i could be creative without turning into some kind of auto-abusive cliche. but i feel like muhammad ali - i was built to write and publish and if i do it as i feel inclined and as i am inspired by the world i will end up unable to do much of anything.
until then, i'm trying to bud.com and pace myself. darn i love publishing my friends, and they talk about each other's articles, and wilson's back from europe and soon there should be cartoons and his madness and all sorts of joy awaits in the hopper.
amy's reading vogue and getting pissed off. what about mode (a fashion mag for "larger women")?"fuck that - why don't they have 'huge - the magazine for men with small dicks and big hearts'?"