I have been thinking that seeking a mate for me these days is like hunting
though I haven't shot a wild animal
only hacking at a chicken's neck with a machete on a mountain in nepal
twelve years old, city boy
not killing it enough
so my reward before the meal was witnessing a real metaphor:
a running around chicken with its head half cut off
my grandparents gave me a cabela's gift certificate
which I used to purchase a hunting slingshot and a pellet mold
useful in the big city
I sat in a long mezzanine corridor in my large high school apartment building
shooting wax pellets at the EXIT signs.
later I had that slingshot at the Platte River State park
Nebraska family reunion
I had a bowl of pistachios
and I saw a raccoon coming for our trash can
I shot at the raccoon, sometimes striking it
and then the raccoon would come back for the nut I shot him with
it was an endless cycle, as long as I had nuts
I began to feel bad
but hunting as I imagine it - setting my sights on "big game" something worthwhile and chasing it down
relentless in my pursuit
estimating moves, positioning myself to cut off escape
exercising my tools at a distance to pin down my target
and then closing the gap for an intimate embrace
I've done that a few times, with a few women
and I came to know them so well
I can remember their parent's names and faces
some of those parents are no longer alive
I didn't kill them
but I didn't make their grandchildren neither
tonight it feels like being single is fishing
dropping lines
in unclear water
remembering the sweet taste of cornmeal-fried freshwater bluegill
working probability
to see if something bites
tonight in the security line
I saw a woman in a compact straw hat with a red t-shirt
"you look cool" I told her, as I walked past in a late night airport
she slowly cracked a thin smile as I moved along security
maybe she'll sit next to me on the plane, I thought - that would be good fortune
we could someday remember how we met
over drinks on some porch
"you said 'you look good' at the airport"
her memory will be better than mine
another woman I chatted with at some length on the train
on the way to the airport
I'd remember the shape of her columella if I saw it again
she has english finals
she was friendly and open to talk
probably too young, I should throw her back
after these momentary interactions with stranger gals, I think
I've practiced connection
and I've left a trace perhaps
we would smile at each other next time
a chance to inspire each other
to hunt or fish or just each vegetables together
