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september 1

it's labour day, we labour,
swarthmore semesters always start on national holidays.

second semester: martin luther king day

i forgot what classes i registered for

three freshman level requirements
a chance to influence young minds

i decided to major in "meaning context and media"

i live with wilson and ben
the latter bought nintendo 64
it's pretty male,
we listen to wu tang very loudly
jungle music with lots of bass
it's adolescent too

instead of buying offered speakers this weekend

stereo fetishism
i bought a thing to hang on my door for shoes.

i like feeling older,
and this place makes me aware

nice brit pop haircut/look justin.
you're becoming a conservative!

amy knows, i already are one

awash in strange new feelings
being single again more accessible
freshpersons
still diggin' on my california girlie,

she wrote me back,
5 days after asking for space
she called me
6 days after saying she needed time

i did not know how long to make her suffer without justin

i mean,
i had felt abandoned, so,
i wanted to be sure that something had happened
that we would not be happy indulgent communicators
end up in the same overwhelming
'til the next time that things rolled westward

i didn't know whether or what or when to respond

yesterday,
i consulted the i ching:
how should i consider amy and i today?

Fu - Return (The Turning Point)

with six in the fourth and fifth place

becomes

Tui - The Joyous, Lake

i had many conversations with tom about god
jesus, a nice guy,
he rose from the dead?

so what is the i ching?
a way to organize thoughts?

it probably,

probably
gave me the faith to persue my own train already,

and the reading said that to return is to admit fault and to come gently
to improve and rehabit requires reapproach.

and joy is just nice to hear,

and remember

we talked on the phone and it was nice
took a few minutes to remember the voice
and the feeling
it came back to us

but it's weird holding back.
unnatural, but necessary?

there is cute girls here
i'm sure there's many,
i've only been at swat for three or four days

but i know that people here read this or observe it
which has just compromised this narrative

can't play a dating game with people being warned,
can i?

i wouldn't want to subject innocent young women to undue scrutiny

no sir.

2.21am
stayed up late for telephone time reunition:

amy sez,
i feel like i'm gonna laugh for the rest of my life.

yep. me too.

darn i like that girl.
i invited myself to spend thanksgiving with her.
that's familial.

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