Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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22 january

my brother loves sensational news
but still i beat him to the latest clinton sex story,
thank you matt drudge.

the other day, elly inadvertently exposed to me my own propensity for depression. she posted a picture where i saw similar sadness in my eyes to that of my dad's:

fusty, from elly and egg
dad at the window
look at my right eye
cover up the dark side of my face with your thumb.

one sentence about each of the young men with whom i spend the most time here at swarthmore:

wilson eats three bowls of grapenuts a day
ben's new year's resolution was to tell more lies
duncan pulled a door open into his head, got a few stiches above his eyebrow

he bought the uncensored jerry springer,
tonight, we drank a little and watched it.

jerry springer releasing a side of america

he is satan, a homewrecker,
in this video,
this man slept with your wife fifteen times in your bed,
let's bring on.... larry!

then they restrain the ensuing fight and return people to their chairs for another round

i had never seen this shit.

amy saw it once, live, on lsd.

i enjoy her writing.

wilson draws cartoons to accompany editorials in the news paper
sometimes they're too bad for him to deal with.

good meeting today with phil weinstein, my thesis advisor.

he reshared a henry james quote with me on what phil calls the perils of autobiography: "terrible fluidity of self-revelation"

like resolution
it's definitely fluid, definitely self-revelation, is it terrible?
not for her.
terrible, how. hmmm.

i've definitely shifted away from my hard core free verse days, partially due to overexertion.

after last night, i had significant, uncannily so, i ching reading (53 -> 39), and consulting myself, and called amy and she revealed such a depth of love and knowing of me, i felt something
today i fully recovered my compass and i love that girl
when i am depressed, sleeping on my forehead on my desk after 8 hours sleep the night before
thinking of relations to test and reject

i don't love myself and i can't love her
but now, i look forward again to the grand chase,
living with her and playing our games,
we have such fun.

tonight, after jerry springer, i drank some,
and went out with people, pub nite,
and helped jen puke in a worth bathtub for hours,
encouraging her to drink water
and helping her puke by describing linguini in clam sauce, raw oysters, hot buttered movie popcorn, and menstrual consumption.
she complained,

earlier, when times were still good, she confessed somehow in a collegiate drinking game that she'd never experienced orgasm,

my first thought: i can provide that!
super man
then, i realized,
jen, you should demand the men you sleep with service you proper!

and then, i realized her situation,
i don't touch myself, it's icky.
well, you won't please yourself,
and you're not going to lose enough control for anyone else to help you

good luck girl.

turns out she has standing bets - she stands to lose money if she ever does successfully cum.
people are weird.


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