june 9
today:
still spinning.amy and are both spend the day in glorious shared company - it's like some crazy time together, this, her working nights serving drinks, and i'm two days a week making the web telegenic. so we have all day to ball and cook and set up house.
but neither one of us, today at least, neither one of us is driven in one particular direction. like a lot of ideas, and some potential perhaps, but now that we are here living together, the goal of so long, now what?
i used to work at wired from 9am until eleven at night. i wanted to be there. at electric minds, i slept at the office - they had a t3 and i couldn't think of anywhere else to be. here, on my little laptop keyboard, without a big monitor or anything over 14.4baud modem, i am less thrilled about computer creation, and there's only so much cooking you can do in a day. zdtv, they don't give me a desk. or they do, but it's to share, with nice enough people, but someone else is always using it. and i'm only expected two days a week. so i'm spinning my wheels some. there's no project drawing me in. i think about taking the money from the suit and paying my friends to start a magazine at bud.com. i think about tibet.org, dan asks if i'm game for volunteering to maybe teach tibetans how to make web pages. or maybe i'll - what? got any ideas?
once you have hands on love, what are you supposed to crave? a clean credit report and a nice vacation? i have nothing to look forward to, unless you count a trip to nebraska to see stroke-hit grampa for maybe the last time. too bad i can't convince amy to miss work to meet him - it seems he's soon dead. gramma's doing fine, however, seems the home strikes her great. she's gets better and better. grampa is striken without his independence.
me i can't figure out what's going on. maybe when my possessions are here and my computer is set up and i have some grounding something will come.
wrote this haiku-ish cleaning up:
sweeping small styrofoam across the floor
gusts like ghosts or snow
so much packaging
meanwhile amy and i would like to collaborate - i've agreed to do compromising things for her new film project and she wants to finally get herself a computer, a G3, so she can make digital whoopee. it's hard for the two of us to make new media magic on a 100mhz laptop. whine whine whine.
laying around in a post beans n' greens leftover eaten haze, and mom calls, with futher research - do you know you live in the area of california with the second highest crime rate?
she has george jr. research for her the number of robberies and rapes and so forth (no murders though) in my hood - west oakland.
i live in a neighborhood, people wash their cars during the day. kids ride their bikes around. L.L. tells me about his school project - some weird purple construction paper thing with attached shiny plastic things. he was dancing, but he wouldn't do it for me there on the sidewalk. i met him when he played "ding dong ditch" on me - rang my doorbell and disappeared. i came outside and the door closed and i was locked out so i caught him the next time he came back to ring at me. he thought it was funny that i was locked out. his friend thought it was weird we had slugs on our plants in the front yard. kid shit.
sure there are boys with loud cars and bumpin' stereos. there's some kind of party across the street every weekend night, but that doesn't seem like a bad thing - it's just harder to park. the noise that wakes us the most in the night is loud dogs barking.
i live two blocks away from some government housing projects. and i don't really see white folks on the street much except our landlords nextdoor. you can't do much unless you drive. but you can take the bart! that's real close. i couldn't live in a place this nice if it was in a higher rent district. i can be creative here - because there's space, because it's not so nice.
i think about it - once you leave the nest, so to speak, you don't need money and help so much from your parents, it means you're more independent a little. so mom is still looking out for me. it's kinda strange - i didn't order a crime report on oakland, i just went on my guts. does it change my opinion that my relatives think this is a shitty place to live? i want them to see my beautiful house here first, then they'll know.
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today's muzzik: fishbone is a favourite band. i am proud to have a front tooth that was chipped bodysurfing at their show in philly some years back. "truth and soul" has got funk and ska and high energy and preaching and politics and poetics all wrapped up in one irresistably grooving mess of fantastic loving music. stereolab's "emperor tomato ketchup" remains a mainstay in my listening pleasure
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justin hall | <justin at bud dot com>