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Date: Sun, 24 Dec 1995 21:18:52 -0800
From: r

Subject: unrequited lust

hi, justin...
i don't realy think there's an answer for my problem...anyway, no answer _out-there_ somewhere...but here's the scene...

whatever can you do when you are in love with someone who doesn't return your love...or even acknowledge it? should i get aggressive and force some kind of confrontation?

there's the danger of total rejection or, even worse, the waffling squirm of someone trying to avoid responsibility for his suggestions-without-interest- in-followthrough (commonly known as flirting).. .
but the question remains...what can i do to avoid suicide... the hopeless despair of the rejected?

i've written to you before..about unrequited love...(it's such agony!!)!...and , amazingly enough, i'm still here, and alive (so to speak)...the worse for the wear...

do you have any words of wisdom, from a man's perspective, on how a woman can seduce a man into bed? (even more unfortunately, he already has a girlfriend that he's living with!)

admittedly, what i realy want is love...but, short of that, i want sex...does this sound shallow? it's just that he turns me on so much, i can't stand it!!!

please give me some ideas, if not some hope!..... argh!!!!!i want his bod so much!!!


R -

I was just reflecting on my freshman year, when I tried to get something going with this gorgeous young woman with whom I spent much time. The flirting wasn't much, but she exuded wonderful luscious energy that I thought compatible with mine.

One time just seated in conversation, I leaned in to kiss her. Completely out of context, she freaked, it drove a rough wedge in our friendship.

My recent reflection has been that what I should have done was subtle, and perceptive.

first, check to see if there is sexual tension. is there complementary lust?

if not, consider - is this where we should be? what are we without it? is that where she's at?

am I just reachin out of my need for approval and acceptance for sex - the most immediately gratifying way to feel needed and wanted? and placing at risk an otherwise vital friendship for the purposes of more tangible and immediately perishable response?

if I want it to happen, not to move overtly, but to send the energy. look at them funny, see what happens. start thinking sexual thoughts. move sexually. be a sexual person in their presence, see how they respond. like so much of life, it all starts with you. reaching into their space explicitly with your sexual energy will often drive them away, but if you allow them to see you as a sexual being, without them perhaps even knowing it, it might awaken in them a similar possibility.

don't let it be one of those "let me change into something more comfortable" scenarios, but rather a conscious energy thing

think of sexy stuff when you're with them, and see if they respond similarly

if it don't work, don't force it. especially if they are elsewhere happy! creating division is painful for so many parties. if he is done with his current babe, let him leave her - don't be responsible for misery.

why do you like him so much? cuz you can't have him? cuz he's got what you're not? cuz he's untouchable, you can project on to him

I don't want to overpsychoanalyse your shit here

but wanting anything that bad is suspect
cuz you have to disrupt the force in a big way to get it
if you can't have something you think you need
right now
there's a reason
reflect on it
reflect on what you do have
it is so much.

if it is meant to be between you two
relax and let it happen.
otherwise, you strain
you're gonna pull a spiritual muscle.


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