see now it's a sunday
I do these things late at night
so I'll prepare this spirittonight
I prepared for a mood
with five kinds of high synthetic sexuals
bark from africa
root hawaiaan
the best of elly lilly and merc
has to offer
and ginseng
I remembered cuz the striking woman told me it made her hornyso I thought I'll make myself horny
sacred self-sexual space
except I intended some use
of this bark juice
makes me hard like sixteenanyway, I piled all this shit on
and I wore a skirt and damn I just have this pain in my chest
now
not yet sleepy
actually
feeling painfully clearheaded
like I'm not going to be able to sleep
so what concerned me instead
was projecting my need
expressing my pain
and finding few takers
joy is a ride
people will ride with you
this is pain
now physical
and somehow I thought an aquaintenceof multiple moments
would pick up the slackand she gone
I found myself talking to
on the trail
many beasts out tonightI said
many beasts
son
dad?
the word froze in front of my mouth
cold air up my skirt
it's been a windy day
I have nowhere to turn but art
and recollection of the nursing
see I used to have something cheesy in mind
the ideal woman
heh
at sixteen
she looked like a penthouse model
and she was maternal.now I know she's smart
for me
laughing at my stupid shit
and cutting straight to the chase on the real
I'd be smart for her too
she be as ready a recepticle as the net
and maternal.these pinings useless
pain driven
prhaps I should have kept after the dad notionor been more patient
cuz now I have a visitor
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justin hall | <justin at bud dot com>