6 march, 1996

6 march, 1996

I'm real tired
so I'll try to keep this short.

I want to encourage
rambling publishing like life
for swat at large
I'm stuck trying to come up with a metaphor
-how to organize the files? the navigation?
what we've come up with
forest, creek
or just collect articles and see what arises?

perhaps as I grow more personal
I'm drivin' folks away
(or mebbe its my fund raising drive)
links from the underground
user count
actual folks hitting some part of my pages
peaked at 27,000 last spring
now its a good day if users hit 16,000
it's been hovering at around 12,000 the last two days

it was really the interactive sex links
I elected to take down
they brought in 11,000 users a day
sort of like this buddhist ecofeminist lecture tonight
nothing that specific actually
just renewed vigor
the vow of the boddhisattva.
many things rung true for me
aspirations
possessions are a burden
without them you have more to give
like owning all those eyeballs with the sex links
wasn't worth the trouble of having them
(tho if I was beholden to advertisers,
I'd be shitting bricks).
my bedroom is an ankle deep mess
clothes papers boxes packaging photos
got to get rid of some of this stuff
thought about giving it all away
sometimes I think I'm a boddhisattva
that's what larry used to call me
but who is?
something to aspire to.
and wisdom for the dallyings
countermanipulations
the pyt was moved by our encounter
what am I supposed to do with that?
it's fun to play
countermanipulations
pain premonitions
potentations.
meanwhile, back on the farm,
happy 18th birthday rya.
legal girl lingered long
she knew a gathering
no surprise
she kept us party waiting near an hour
hard for her to stomach the attention
then she wallowed in guilt.
checking my e-mail,
balthazar is leaving first this earth
and then just swarthmore
then a false alarm
vested sharp looking at Paces
sorry dude, for strong feelings
he likes to dance to prince.
I end the night with aaron wong
disaffection I say,
now located "control freak"
S&M relationships
I tell him more about my life than most
then he tries to control me
tonight I noticed
and poked him a bit
he's like a big elephant
the psychics say he's ganesh.

what's your damage?
he demands
he bemoaned
no one cooler than him at Swat
and was glad I am "dirty"
dreadlocked
so he doesn't have to bother with the sex attraction
like those other fools.
these people are so weird.

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