Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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oct 12

saturday, work,
the gang's all here
linda j for a photo shoot
she senses some oppression in our open office
like people without cublicles have to set up mental, emotional barriers instead

ruz has a teevee for baseball

me I always seem to be involved in drama
if not the pending inflexibility of our electric minds
sooper dooper content production back end
and the resulting design logjam
then it is an art party
let yer hair down

stay til the end! and engage the hosts!
hosts love to bitch after a party. stay to clean up

pick up psychic trash.

until then I interfaced with mairi
tripping sagittarius

like myself except aged
we flew
she didn't mind focusing on my province
she had attended the electric minds at the digital diner
and left with some severe doubts
so she entertained me with pr wisdom
something I could do
she thought I had a clue
my question of depth of involvement is personal
how much energy to put into this?
I came here for suzanne
cuz she invited me
but now I sit in this wasted church
the drama is mind numbing
as it relates to me
I mean being some woman's shill in a deteriorating relationship
is like not fulfilling man
I stay away from that

invited she me, gave me three minutes
introduced me to "willow"
who wants to bed her boyfriend
wants me to get it on with suzanne

this is just fucked.

I stay away from that

but I stay here

now in part cuz of julie

she's the piscean hostess herein

who bitched, that the free party a month ago attracted 600 flamin' ravers
and now this $15 feed affair is ill attended
no support for the arts in san francisco
I ask her, has she read biographies of people who've done what she has

I imagine they all say that
frustrating ignorance

me I just want to be needed
I see sanner, and even daphne from last night

but I
I am not needed
and I need to get over it.

suzanne gives me five minutes and I'm hooked I walk home wit' jem
we discuss mean mistreatin' wimmins

they so confusing

mairi said, don't say spiritual
say poetic
poetic is yearning

these pages are certainly poetic
in that they yearn
I tell you these days I yearn most concretely
for some intimatacy for the coming colder months
but moreover, I yearn for that understanding
over and over again - giving up is the best way to get what you want
what you want will screw you over
what you want you will never get
these like obvious mantras repeated get me no closer to satisfactory partnership
or wisdom
but closer to sleep

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justin hall | <justin at bud dot com>