wesley gibson hall

sixteen years 11/14/99

this death becomes less verve-alicious,
as other tragedies or departures mount
and we are surrounded by the work of our days
those who took the early flight out
are either foolish traitors who missed the action
or the sadly tortured deserving of rest.

so i am sixteen years old

er now than i was then eight
an even number divisible by four means this particular year and date
resonates with the same sunday energy there must have been when you faced the barrel of your own gun towards your face
i live with amy now
she's very inclined to see sunday as a day of rest
or feast at least -
she's making shoestring potatoes, sausage and spinach
you are eating a bullet and ashes
if we view your death as the last life you'll have - an infinite loop
my sympathies.

i struggle ever onward to be my own leader
and assimilate the leadership of others
submit to the divine will
and know today's torture will not be the last
what drove you to give up?
am i on the same track?
is a drink fooling around the same thing that lead to your dissolution?
working like a maniac and wanting a family at the same time?
being good to my good woman but yelling up a storm all the same?
if i set up your behaviour I remember and hear about
I can think of your fate as a series of conditions
the superficial setup for suicide
at least i'm not a lawyer yet
I don't dress nice
I don't go out at night

but otherwise I'm my own man and that's how I'll have to meet you -
on our own terms
I'll let you know when I get there,
I expect you'll be waiting.

dad | life

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