other dancers and waitresses drifted by, and in the course of the evening, I found most ladies on lithium, paxil, prozac; anti-depressents, and many single moms with kids.

shayna
stage name

youngest dancer is 19 some are in the 30s
sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's not depends on the guys
two yars ago right down the road from here
fired for sexual preference

when she started work, didn't know what a table dance was
girl who started her said sit down, this is what a table dance is

this is like mounting a clothed lap and gyrating, jiggling, stimulating - whether or not the woman can be touched/licked/kisses/fondled/felt depends on the club, the woman and the money - at these places, generally $10

her mouth hit the floor
why do I want to sit here and dry fuck a guy for 5 bux when I could do the real thing for 200.
but there is a difference
this is kinda pushin' it,

I love to dance,
like when I got up on stage, and the music came on
most incredible feeling nobody there
danced my ass off
you lose that.
after a while sometimes, a good mood, really get into it.
my ankles are kinda hurting

5 inch heels

you ever go home with a client?
when I really need money I think about it

you see alotta [girls more interested in girls]

the girls are to each other cordial while on another guy's lap - waving while jiggling - astonishing

its a lot better than when I first worked industrial temp work
much better money than 5 bux an hour,
especially when you're on your own with a kid

she's got the best babysitter, like a second mom
before my nervous breakdown trying to go to business school

tried college last summer
didn't feel like she fit in
working nights and waking up early
felt really different from other people
trying to associate with other people
real self-conscious about telling people about what you do
don't I don't mind voicing my opinion when people want to damn what I do
I want to go to school to be a computer programmer
I was trying to go to biz school
get a start there get an office job, night classes
get out of this

diagnosed with depression when I was 14
really bad nervous breakdown
it was depression but it was chemical
it got that bad

points to drastic red scars on her wrists
it wasn't anything she hadn't dealt with before
or had trouble getting through
doctor sez it was chemical, so I take medicine

takes paxil
doctor that I was going to, don't have the money
woman I was seeing helping me out her name was um teresa augman something like that
she's gone now
of all the therapists since 14 that I approved with I felt like I was going somewhere
she was only there for a while, when I got to the turning point, all of a sudden she's going back to school and transferred, I felt betrayed, didn't want to to start over with someone else
felt like she left her
didn't go anymore

ghdfd szx xo mu h xguvv ghzg I hz d go bo ghfoubh, go xgzfg sigh xomdond dlxd.x

that's what I get from taking notes on a powerbook under the table.

tried to deal with it on my own
fourth drug they've given me for depression
most medicine doesn't fuckin' work
makes you sick or makes you act like a fuckin' zombie
some she took and could not get out of bed had to crawl to the bathroom
why are you giving this stuff to people without enough info?
the doctor thought she had a good point
on paxil for two months
they say it takes two weeks to kick in
I was sitting there crying on a payphone to a friend for two hours for no reason,
started the drug, the next night I felt happy, up

on stage, it's hard to tell if that's a man or a woman. she's doing a dance to james taylor

stacey martin
stacey nope, not a stage name

what do your parents think
it floats beneath my brain -

jessa - what pisses you off?
everything pisses me off, the issue of drugs, kids abortion, when they're just being ignorant.

jessa - what about drugs? some people hate that they exist, some people can't get some
my morals my values, the gangs

shayna
beware vampirism
even on nights I don't work I can't sleep
being a kind of evil person
a night person
you think worse things, you're less trusting of people, takes a lot
especially men
meet men at a bar, you think he's a cool guy
I had that happen to me the other day this guy has been my regular customer for a year - utmost respect, I could talk to him about anything, and he would always give me full body massages, the other night he just went too far, I lost all respect
he was really really drunk
it's more stricter at paradise
they have their favourites, he lived in chicago, he would fly down once a month to go to the club

women should own [these clubs]

stacey - nuckin' futz

9 dances - if I need 100 a night, if I make less, I'm in trouble
whole shitload of college boys
picked one,
pickin' on him
messing with him
justin's memory fails; either she, or another dancer, was taking dollars from college boys who would stick them in their flys - a vengeful waitress reported them
some shows are from the stage his head between your legs, literally
you don't understand how strong a dancers thighs are if he even tries to move, we pop his head off like a dandilion
usually pay you after the dance
I've worked at 5 clubs started at paradise, didn't like the grab

teaasers they can't touch you there. there you have to grind on them
new girls doin' shit - put her croch [right] on a guys face
anything they could get away with
just like puppy dolls you got to train them
tango's cabaret USA, new mgmt.
five inch heels on thin plastic walkway over lights dangerous and nervewracking
our waitress is on prozac

major fake tits - stacey's jealous of stage dancer
had two kids, breastfed them

I notice a few girls at a few tables on a few laps, just talking
naked dancing on their jocks and smoking telling stories to drunk men
are they catharcized through these ladies troubles lives
sex industry created and crutched
100 dollars a night, a party and prozac
three ladies at my table talking about ritilin versus lithium
near kisses
did she make you break down
shatter your illusions of love
stevie nicks throaty squeal
there's a certain kind of contact you can get without money
it's more expensive in a way
intangible dues
reach into pluto - stories
these single mothers abused women with terrific sex drives
I imgaine - madded sex driven drives
plastic bodies fan blown and black lit

jessa likes sylvia latina has to get really really drunk at night

they come back and they share stories immediate turn over expose the dorks and the creeps and the overzealous
I can see the thought pattern - this'll turn her on, make it real, please
nothing's more real than this side table talking about customers
showing each other pubic trim

shayna:
this one chick was proud of her bisexuality - the first woman I had a crush on, she'd fuck fuck with me all the time. basically tease
I got her one night,
stuck a bill in my t-bar layed on stage
when she leaned over to grab it - [she licked her crotch]

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