28 November

the tall redheaded Juniper
who cut up stuffed animals and knit them into new forms
and made beautiful photopebbles
she watched the cat while i was away.

i gave her my car for that time
in five days she drove through four counties
for her the car is freedom
i remember now how that was
before a car became one of the shimmering links
in my gorgeous 'andcuffs

even under her watchful care
the cat shat
right square on my blankets

i am a travelling bachelor
before when i lived in love
this troubled cat-child made sense
now we are just chasing time together

27 November

I recollect now my recent Holiday,
where my uncle his wife
my aunt my mother and my stepfather and myself
converged on a five bedroom apartment in chicago
we ate well repeatedly
overstuffing our bellies for the coming winter hibernation

then in the midst of the fantastic political circus
we each retired to our own rooms
we each watched MSNBC alone

i was happy to have an internet connected laptop and lots of cable
i didn't mind so much the strange separation from my relatives -
when we met the feelings were fond
and the time between was restorative.

during my vacation
I penned some fantasy to paper,
writing erotica
and some political science fiction

my mom arranged for me to speak
twice to two classes at the Young Women's Leadership Charter School of Chicago
gossiping giggling freshfaced fourteen year old girls
I called the internet connected computer a "machine of opportunity"
they liked the idea of a job studying video games.

mom watched and said i did a good job connecting with them
i love public speaking and teaching.
mom thinks my grade/high school really emphasized and refined confidence of public performance

legacy of parental visit -
picked up stray lengthy biography of famous dead white people
the incredibly well written fantastic story
of Eleanor Roosevelt and her husband and the US in World War II.
"No Ordinary Time" by Doris Kearns Goodwin
chicago to oakland 400 of 700 pages

26 November

Around 1984, when I was in fourth grade, my mom gave me a Sanyo System 560. It was an integrated stereo amplifier, with radio, record and tape player.

It was the can opener that opened the earlid off my brain. On that machine I first listened to The Police. Eurythmics. Jimi Hendrix. Led Zeppelin. Joe Frank. Then Jesse and Sage gave me a CD player for my 8th grade birthday and I eventually I listened to Kind of Blue. Underground. Ellington's SRO. Jane's Addiction.

Then in tenth grade, a bunch of friends came over. I showed them how I'd fixed a TV and VCR to run through the stereo. I was showing Akira, and Ben Gordon turned up the volume during the attack of the teddy bears, and he blew out one speaker. I shifted all sound to the other speaker and used the stereo until I left for college.

On my last trip home, I noticed that my stereo had died. No more red lights. No more sound. It was time to throw it away. So tonight I threw it away. Sitting on top of the trash can, the dusty 80s face of the machine reminded me of my musical awakenings. I felt thankful for that machine, and I wanted to honor it with some writing before it was hauled away to pollute the planet.

(Then after writing this I rescued the machine and stuck it in a closet. Maybe for resurrection, maybe for photos. Maybe to hollow it out and turn it into a shrine).

24 November

Justin finished reading Julian Cope's two Shitkicker autobiographies - Head on and Repossessed. Thanks Damanda.

Struggling for dreams
i have no thighs to grope
only tools and time

so i'm so looking forward to painting my walls blue
strapping my tape deck to my computer
recording and layering finger piano
putting my face on the scanner
and plugging my brain into the straight beautiful unknown

These games may be a bald naked escape into fleeting youth
couched in an entertainment media context
the only human liberation resulting from that hamster wheel
eli just called me to tell me a story from Baldur's Gate 2
and later my semi-formal family gathers for a few fun rounds of BopIt Extreme
Jim says, that's a "whoops, I dropped it off the bridge toy."

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