nov 23
morning comes the sunrise and I'm driven from my bed,listen to gpa sound file, such a perfect slice of warren mcclurg,
haven't heard from amy and there's devils in my head
she speaks long on her departed relationship
up til six am breaking up
that would have sucked to have been sitting thereshe remarks, after years,
they had such a good beaurocracy to it
"like a well oiled machine except we're both crazy"he brings up the "sun also rises"
sheesh only so much ex boyfriend one can stand
good background
but talking about plans is more excitingI give her background on family tonight
family dinner
settled chris, crazy peter, strugglin' lynn, big tall colin hall, babely barbara
in the italian pomo modern deco pink palace
especially cadence, etcurge to call them,
call them
how's that wrist?
something I'd like you to try
I got something like you got in my wrist
something I apply, tames it down to where I don't feel it
it's called, now just a minute, hold on just a minute
it's called a r t h u r and i t i s
your mom sent us a philadelphia paper you were in
I saw a full page ad for this stuff
I think there were 50 or 20 pharmacies that carried it
(classes at berkeley)
okay that sounds good
just so you go to college somewhere
I'll be terribly disappointed if you don't
you've got a lot of talent
it will be a big lift to you
how's the weather back there?jim's on a pheasant hunt
he made out real good with the sale of his companyhave you been following nebraska football at all?
I want gramma, now you start visiting with justin
tell him about
tell him aboutgramma struggles underneath the cumbersome interview format
having had her earlier attempts at interjection or dialog ignored
hard to live with the hard of hearing, and the hell bent on optimism and informationdo you speak spanish justin? I want you to meet this lady
janey, come over and introduce yourself
mi abuelo es muy funny
yes. he says I talk too fast.we had a lot of good times fishin' didn't we
good times out at the cabinwe've always enjoyed our home
we want to stay here as long as we are alive
not in a rest home you seehow old is gramma?
85.
she's 87.maybe you can explain this tv and the work that you do
I see these programs with numbers you can call to get something
means nothing to me
to me its abunch of jargle
xs and ys you knowhe needs me there to make a dropped VCR remote control work
I suggest he return to walmart for a replacementreal good to hear your voice.
work just a little, catch up keep up
vjim is there, so is jilld
so no marathon
some tension perhaps between jill that I touch on
vjim and I talk about it on spacebar
funny way to have a private conversation in a small space
amy late joins me herelynn thinks dad died on sunday night
we cab to ashbury heightsthe gang's all here
in fine cheer
look closely at that shot. it's a hoot.
empty bottle of vodka - he was a night drinker
little late for an autopsy eli has an art museum
after a school trip to sf moma
finger paintings and water colours
2 dollar admission.
I like the sculptures best - cloud, sun, my blanket, decoration
pounded play doughsome extended riffing moments my family discourses on my stardom hair and future
the consensus seems to corroborate edimicationchris and peter in the garden together after some partying
return to announce to colin and I that christmas future may be them in the mountains
funny - see, the family comes to frisco for the kids, but chris now wants to take them skiing for santa
just a different vibe colin brings me the 24 hours in cyberspace book cuz I'm in it and I don't have it
also a copy of rewired magazine, printed parodyit was his birthday monday, and I have nothing for him
indeed, as we speak at the table
in turn critiquing careers, I bear down hard on his after mine is skewered
skewered that they mix between encouraging me back to college or discouraging independence
mostly nixing wandering and broad focusI have heard so many times colin's unhappy invective that I weight in against his firm and the mammonic madness therein
realize I'm being a bit caddy and negativeamy doesn't seem to have any problems
talking with women, especially
lynn
injured but persistent
playing with gideon
she gives me shit, in public - my hair, my writing, the internet
my family assembled, including parker grads and blood ties
they approve of amy "because she gives you hell"
and she's got confidence, they note I haven't brought a woman to a family dinner since chandra
black dresses they wear
confidence
family of lawyers
chris loans us the car late at night,amy and I in our own space
we drive return to mills
where late nights allude to lesbian innuendo
ellen has many toys
they drink "clit licks"
butterscotch shnaaps and bailey's irish creme
there are many men of depth on hand
what brings them hither?
since the car her urge to hurt has growing
she bites me, hard, she leaves me adorned in hickeysI notice earlier I see women differently now
somehow in another space with the presence of more assured amy in my space
the creatures of the world become more as a zoo - yuo are in your provised cage
not a bad thing, just different
best whn it arises organicallyshe is so flirtatious
of course it would not be hard to understand from the course of oour relating
it is a good thing I do not take these kisses and strokes pets and promises her and her friends too seriously
else I would be angstyI know the pain will be all mine later
she bites and bruises
"your neck is a canvas"
justin hall | <justin at bud dot com>