my bowls are doing the opposite of like yoga or whatever. or maybe they're doing holiday bowel yoga. whatever. i'm just glad i'm not incarnated as a toilet this lifetime.

we intended to shop for our relatives, instead i serviced amy first and then we talked quite a bit and then we hurried and found the perfect media for most all folks under our tree this year.

i feel lucky to be here, on the road, treated to a good time at my uncle's house (not to mention good/funny info)

because his wife my aunt lori works in the mayor, now govenor's office, we got to sit in on a govenor's press conference. he's newly elected, a moderate republican, nice enough guy, actually real decent straightforward seeming. i thought i might ask him about the goings on in washington over impeachment and the conduct of the officiating politicals, and then i saw that it was a far calmer atmosphere, essentially prohibiting freelance questioning, unlike the media melee i'm used to seeing on CSpan or surrounding michael jordan.

but the media there, i was amazed. here i am in nebraska, there's no new york times, no visible woodward and bernstein, but the essential function and bearing of the journalists remained the same - they listened dutifully, taking notes, and then proceeded to ask the govenor-elect some contextually challenging questions. i really respect the enterprise of media/journalism at it's core - challenging the activities of the authorities. often they work in cahoots, or they challenge too much, or not enough, but generally, media and government check each other. johanns did well to respond straightforwardly to most all of the questions. he did excuse himself from using his powers to save a convicted death row man's life, and i can't imagine having that kind of decision to make, and then not electing some small measure of mercy. but that's what makes him a moderate republican, and me a web diarist.

i was looking over my Nebraska pages, trying to do more justice to the state, and it's odd to see the link to the story of my 35th acid trip which i took in the state capital building. strange because i know my relatives here have read it, and i know it bugs them quietly under the surface (heck my descriptions of my family therein like a bunch of abusive alienlifeforms are hard for me to read, today). but i want to honour the process of educating myself that i undertook, by writing, by experimenting with drugs and contexts, and by processing it on the web. to take it down is to remove part of the story, which becomes (w)holy after being integrated.

so perhaps my best hope is to just bury the parts of me that rare a little shallow or short sighted or just immature beneath a mountain of new content! i mean my mom and I were talking and she was saying that if i do want to teach real young folk i might have to sacrifice some of my weirder pages. do i have to choose between art and teaching? i don't think i will - i mean i will choose to honour the whole person education here and therein choose to not be a preschool chaperone. unless the teachers meet me and then i think they'd decide i was a nice enough guy. but convincing their parents would be the real bitch. i'll probably hvae to stick to college, where parents essentially pay for kids to learn how to party, and then to learn how to stop partying.

i mean i think that's the ultimate lesson of LSD, for me, there's a time to party and there's a time to stop. and if i think through the self-censorship lesson long enough i get to the point where i realize, again, that leaving up the whole lesson is exactly what's missing from D.A.R.E. or Alice in Chains or something. although most heroin addicts pretty adequately describe their own bargain.

i love making web pages but i think i'm getting sick because i stay up at night working on the computer and then airport shuttles or my relatives wake me up early. i always think - well, when i go to lincoln i won't have access to a computer so i'll push myself now. and then there's a computer. etc. hack, snort, wheeze, chortle.

yesterday