in shamanism today:the sacred is timeless so should I not date everything definitely?
on the front page
I changedOnline since January '94!
toonline since before!
so teaching becomes
letting go ego -
that thing I love the most these daysweb ethics class
to give the students what they want I might have to give it up
as such an extension of myself -sacrificing friends' readings, broad scope democratized structure open assignments and primary guidance informal moi for respectability institutionale
their just reward
comes word
the course turned down for credit for
I am deemednot responsible enough to handle it
my reaction to that
cynically cast off respect and understanding
absurdity:
"maybe if I cut my hair, got some nice clothes, took four courses"
mention of
widespread swarthmore uneasyreaction to my publishing
judgement; libel and propriety
julia asked me ifhearing this
I self-doubtednice thing about
spreading yourself so thin
enough positive feedback
from diverse sources
you feel mostly sorry
for folkswho diss and miss
the chance to talk.I could write an apologist explanation;
Chandra approved the contents of her page I believe I am making a better world by revealing myself better to write something new
put it up for folkswho would read it closely, contextually, and in dialogue with the author.
I resent being mistrusted
without direct communication
they didn't care to assess my committment to teachingthey knew I was a jack-off and they left it at that not effort but judgement
let that be a lesson to me
that I might not so mistreat.
pondering,I meet someone trapped between other departments their politics
power struggles never cease out of these?
humanity.
everyone thinksthey're doing their part. sometimes I think
they'll regret it, I'm going to be famous this is an incredible opportunity while there could be some truth in that pride
it holds no sway in this now consider kinetic
not potential I deflected ego and consternation
citing an appeal to the classthey decide it's always possible to compromise
there are mediations
ways to make it work
our freedom has a price.
I ran all this by Rya
who definitely wanted credit
but soona choice comes clear I would have to get down off my cutting edge
to meet swat standards
and maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing
we'd learn something
fuck the system she said fuck the system has a price
they probably won't support you on that one.
mistrust and compromise heavy in my chest,
I sit to writeand sleep
an hour then,
I feel both more confused and comfortedI will still have means of giving to the world;
these are flow concernsmet, they increase awareness.
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justin hall | <justin at bud dot com>