november 10
i've switched from kinesis to ibm keyboard circa 1984 - think clicky clack. it's a joy. hard keypress, solid feelings. heavy keyboard. wayne and jonathan theorized that it might be okay for rsi like this because the force feedback is so strong on these old keyboards that your fingers have to do more exercise, less dead motion. i like that idea, and i can certainly type faster. i feel the need to pump mo' love into bud.com - i've spent so long getting my house in order, i haven't been attending properly to sites.it was two years ago today...my rate of production is down - i'm installing linux and trying to configure my email for an imap server (all your email stays on the server - you can check any mail, old or new, from any net connection). all this prep means less web output. but i did see the x files season premier. and amy and i have had good sex recently.
it was our anniversary monday, and funny, maybe it's the pressure of that day, we almost broke up, or at least said some very strong things to each other (should i leave? why are we yelling at each other?). it's so hard living with someone. i don't imagine marriage would make it easier. just hard being young and stuck with someone in a way. like living together! like wake up and sleep and eat someone! now i love amy and she continues to be a completely challenging woman for me. she is beautiful and thoughtful. sure i have stuff that's petty that i hold against her. household stuff bothers me - leaving out food or whatever. that i mostly get upset over odd minutae like that and not emotional issues fucks with her - she'd rather, i think, i complain about inattentiveness or distance or time or sex or something, and here i am holding up an old cucumber. mostly she gets real real pissed off when i tell her what to do. when i advise her directly on conduct. that do irk her.
it also irks her, more recently it seems, that i write about these stuff on my web page. i think she has a hard time reading it impartially, and feels silenced and incorrectly portrayed in these daily little bits of domestic bliss. being a media type herself, i think she feels inspired to respond online, with another web page, which just adds another project for her to deal with. i think people we both know who read the page and ask her about her sex life bug her out. but she's been bugging out over a lot of stuff recently, and so have i, so i figure i'm just going to try to be fair and just in hopes that there is something beautiful to be made writing and remembering what was happening two years after the initial bliss.
she's been under pressure lately which seems to make her continually lose or misunderstand objects and information - such that she walks the house in circles looking for the one thing keeping her from leaving to fulfill a time sensitive errand. it drives her nuts and she readily eloqutes this.
for our anniversary she suggested we interview each other on video camera. we did that - it'll be nice to see in years to come. also for our anniversary we're going to drive down the coast this weekend, that'll be nice too.
november 12:window's netscape is so much darker than macintosh's!
Jenni emailed me from nowhere, L.A., and complained of extreme disappointment at not being previously examined in this site. I did what I could Jenni.
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justin hall | <justin at bud dot com>