7 march, 1996

7 march, 1996

thinking about user flight
I took down my pecuniary pleading
(cuz I turn off my radio during NPR fundraising)

my history prof gave me $10
call from David Kohn,
"living digital" webzine
published only on prodigy
he's interested in folks who
"get totally into their web pages"
but he can't talk now,
got to cover the Muppets CDRom launch.

dining hall strangeness;
hunger and boredom:
"football player special"
sliced turkey melted with cheddar,
topped with a fried egg, on a kaiser
augmented with:

grilled with garlic and broccoli, carrots, onions
so much for sane diet.

after dinner
I said he asked good questions
maybe David was just a good listener
maybe I was talkin' my ass off
(I'm prone to that.)
but his enthusiasm didn't wane, and I appreciate that
and he'd read my shit:
(would this unnerve you?)
what are you doing for spring break?
I'm going to florida, Daytona Beach,
my step father has a condo.

that's george, right?
you guys used to fight a lot when you were in high school
how are things now?
rockrap listenin'
steady packin'
chandra drops by
really there's no predicting,
I'd extended an open invitation
less loaded than our last interaction.,
still I'm guarded
I know its not poetic -

I see potensity
and I choose steadiness
like critical perspectives;
I tried to read her aura

she wanted to know why I'm distanced

we talked about sex
and mothers

letting go of expectations

appreciating their presence
like each other

I was one of two that understands her pain

she mentions a child-spirit playland

sacred between us

to me, you are fey,
I want to visit that world
in spite of myself, colonize,
at least restore it to health

you are heavy!

she's wrestling with her weight

too much for people?
not to be hugged, held
by now, comfortable, nonsexual
genuine help and

grace

what do you do
when you been hurtin' so long
all you got is pain
everybody always let you down
you either chose trust,
or you can't.

late night site fixup
and surf
shocked to discover
someone I've met, in Playboy
a little rib poking instinct
slight slack in the jaw
but who am I to talk?
because she's a woman,
she can't be self respecting public nekkid?

but playboy,
my female empowerment instincts;
was she made an object?
a sex object,
somehow worse?
(I've met guys from Playboy)

it's up to Carla.

tomorrow I leave for Daytona Beach,
spring break rest and relaxation

george has a condo

it's Bike Week there now
500,000 Harleys and riders.
yeah, rest,
right.

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