i just called amy,
i love her
she swore at me endlessly; in a weird mood

fuq queoooo!
refused to talk about her job shit
asked me not to care
so i said, "okay."

quite a change from being painfully invested
i'd rather drink and work on my major

listen to jungle music

i masturbate a lot this time
maybe amy withdrawl; i saw her last week;

i need to find a new home for my web page; i'm working on the press release.
stay tuned

i leave for swarthmore soon. my last year, gosh willing. i look forward to livin' with wilson

ahh amy, you're one of my favourites
let me know when i can open the floodgates

i'm alone
lonely
sometimes
too bad i started drinking before this all came
i wanted to feel a little more of it
as it is, the pain is only as bitter as a half stomach of sake
and i knew it was coming, somewhere

maybe when she described her provocative clothes
and the public male reactions
she faught them off, what a trooper
but i knew, i had to insulate myself some
like
i just have to resist being painfully invested

like i went to 4th presby church this morn

man i sure like amy
i even mentioned her in my new web site press release
i'm starting to write something to her,
it's some like writing to myself
but just a bit outside of justin
she's similarly tweaked
but i guess i overwhelmed her - too many choices she's got to make and i would just a soon help make them for her and be a big presence in her life from across america and ain't that the pits when you're still trying to figure out who you are and what are your priorities? so when i see that i back off and give her amy and take justin and think, gosh, it's too bad i found someone i liked and was just too much again. i'm either too little or when i find that focus they still can't stand
but i get older, and things get better

amy told me she felt like i had an aura like i was gonna die young
chandra told me a similar thing
gk said something comforting to me last night -
his chicks always tell him he's gonna die young too.
hah.

so my higher desire is to find that focus outside of cunt and cock and all this risky bullshit that ends up being too much for somebody i mean i'm not ready to get me to a nunnery but maybe i'll play the field and feel confident and retract and finally finish school
maybe amy did the right thing for the both of us

maybe i'll start this magazine where each month i study a different how to:
like the 5 chinese lantern ceiling light fixture i built for amy last week

how quickly and thoroughly she entered my consciousness
and then, to explain to my querying family
actually, yeah, amy, we were dating, now she needs space
like 3000 miles isn't enough
long distance is tough
like my long distance relationship with the divine.