Justin Hall's personal site growing & breaking down since 1994

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too many

17 december

so much still to do, i'm managing, but really, with so many papers to write and tests to take and choreography to finish before sunday,
it's time to update my web page.

dec 18: cs21: anagram dictionary done

tonight i'm a little flagged just right now, that's why i'm writing here,
i called amy cuz i got a negative e-mail, like her retail hell job just drove down her spirit today and so i was thinking about how i should call her as a friend if nothing else to get her story from her and maybe lighten her load.
so i called and she was so loud and pissed off in talking that i shirked a little bit and didn't realize before i called that i'm stressed and have my own load and just calling to take off hers left me a little overwhelmed and unable to keep up at my normal pace of fearless conversation
until finally i said boy i was feeling a little sad there, overwhelmed, but since you told me your stories i feel better
since i had enjoyed some her explicitly detailed customer frustrations
carew came on my radio show saturday, made a public service annoucement:
this holiday season, if/when you go shopping,
recognize that there's a lot of stress for salespeople
so be kind and courteous

i did feel a little better, and wanted to be honest to bridge the gap,
so she professed some caring, didn't want to leave me hanging
though she did have to go
tough to fight for time through different schedules and stress
so we laughed a little more
but still i feel a little hanging, like i wanted her to reach out to me more
so i reach out to write
what good it does me i think about being weak in the context of romantic relations, like i need to service myself and that the best partner is a warrior and amy loves me and reaches out to me when i am bold
but honest, and now is this dishonest to take this communication ostensibly between us here?
this is like advanced introduction to navel gazing

this is timing, my virtual community my virtual vessel is up all day and night and doesn't have to wake up at 5am and go back to retail hell hole
i feel dumb about indulging my selfpity with phonetime.
i have a lot of work to do and i am a bit tired and stressed out.

is it okay to be just tired and momentarily unable to participate in active relating with your most loved without it determining the sustainability of the entire enterprise?
i think my self-confidence is down, i express it through us.

tomorrow, i will perform underpracticed auto-choreography to 11 minutes of underrefined digital audio for technology self and society class
i made it all, tomorrow i make it work.

speeding arrow, sharp and narrow

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justin hall | <justin at bud dot com>