so realizing i was probably pissing away lots of opportunities with vaguery, and "standing on ceremony" instead of just diving in inspired,

well, it makes me feel like i'm not working enough. that's stress some. and excitement - honour to have responsibility.

like i've had a few ideas recently, ideas that could turn into articles. and i'm torn between contacting the "digerati" for a forum and some deadlines and

but i'm a self starting guy, i write about what i like online. and i can fit it into the puzzle of links that way. and i can write in the forum direct from my mind.

gotta stretch my arms in both worlds. good training. and money and recognition never hurt either i guess.

howard suggested i spice things up with some kink, lingerie or sextoys or erotic food or something. that was odd to hear.

i asked if he tried it with his own wife. he said things were past that point - she was wise to his efforts. that was odd to hear too.

i really enjoy working. i really enjoy sitting at my computer and checking macintouch and versiontracker and updating bud.com

so i should be having more sex. i'm such a dork.

and i promised myself, and wilson, that i'd buy a scanner within ten days. more photos and shit for these pages. any recommendations?

met Dinah Sanders at 6degs - i wonder how? anyways, i visited her website, http://www.metagrrrl.com, and i saw "inkspot", where she speaks briefly on a few books and musics, and offers links for easy purchase and some kickback to her.

and i think to some of my personal musical thoughts:
björk, fishbone, jane's addiction, duke ellington

and movies:
legend of fong sai yuk, apocalypse now, ogenki clinic

and books? understanding comics, by scott mccloud

so why do it? to facilitate the spread of (purchasable) culture i feel strongly about? too bad i can't link to a library. or free MP3s.

so then i'm doing it because i expect a return?

it would need to be worth a good amount - twenty bucks a month probably wouldn't be worth it. but $80 a month? that's dinner a few nights! maybe even a week's worth!

what makes it worth it? running the little links out to the purchasables, and shackling myself to the machine of media-for-money. not very anarchist.

i can picture people, myself maybe even, thinking, i wanted some gospel but i didn't know what to buy, or i've heard art tatum is great, i'll just follow this link and pick up something justin recommends (and pay him $$$???) because it's easy. that's the society i live in, right? so i should participate with maximum efficiency? go ahead and do the search and confirm the item selection for people.

any thoughts? maybe try it, because experience is generally good.

Go ahead and do it. It's easy, costs nothing and it's a great way to support small presses. (Barnes & Noble has only 35 buyers nationwide, so think how hard it is to get on their shelves, where at Amazon it doesn't matter if it's a print run of 2,000 or 200,000 you can still find it just as easily).

is there something to unaffiliated, unpaying web page making? i get gifts, i'm not a middleman. perhaps i would have to give some of the money to the folks who exposed me to the media in the first place.

at least right now i get paid for furthering other consumption:

justin: here're the two realvideo feeds of your latest zdtv segment: 28: 56: Bjorn

my regular appearances on zdtv is becoming like a job, a routine, something i do. i go into the studio tuesday afternoons, i kibbitz with the makeup lady, with the other guests, with my immediate bosses:

"deadlines."

"let's talk deadlines."

"Justin, I'll need your articles by Friday noon. or else you're not going on the air."

probably better that way. why dick around?

my second segment went okay. most people who watch me on call for help seem pleasantly surpirsed. i'm not really bowling anything over, or rewriting the rules of conduct, or propounding any astonishing content. i watched the first week realvideo with howard and i noticed i kind of dwell on tangents or ramble on, but i have a few moments of exciting clarity.

i think i'm doing well considering i'm being interviewed for five minutes a week by people who aren't in my demographic. it's nice to have amy watch it and say "you need your own show." so i'll just keep on keepin' on, being trained, learning to produce good solid tv and web pages.

i moved into a house that my mama bought. amy and i pay the mortgage.

when the house changed hands, there was a "termite report" - areas where wood had rotted, and the previous owner would pay for replacement materials and contruction.

we were presented with a chosen contractor, don pearman. it actually turned out to be quite a good deal - he's quite willing to chat about the house, about his experiences with safeway and pacific bell. he took photos of amy and kira and i together out back and had them in our mailbox by the end of the day. "he's an artist" amy sez.

and he's written a book about termite reports, which he self published. and he's a bay area certified fire expert. and earthquake consultant. and he wants to have cooking classes. nice to meet lifetime students. he visited and offered the pictures as "for the website." i'm trying to get a shot of him on here.

our houseguest kira is restless, bored. amy and her film crew are testing caro-syrup/food colouring/hershey's chocolate mix to see which most resembles menstrual blood. i'm sitting here typing to some weird mellow techno music (spring heel jack (thanks eve), and william orbit). kira just closed herself in the closet behind me.

today she began exploring the creek below our house and we walked back together with amy and actually entered a near full height storm drain pipe and walked through until we couldn't see either opening and then they wanted to turn back but i pulled some hands and we felt the walls to walk through to the other end. the total exhilaration of being blind, possibly in danger, wet to the ankles, together whispering, it was like something you can only hope for at disney. and this was just at the nearby park.

she has now been in the closet alone for a full five minutes. and they are calling me to practice bloodying my mouth for the film.

mom recipe: pita chips

yesserday

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