17 oct 1996

oct 17
morning polishing my marathon piece of 4am last night
I mean, returning from work when cats have street room to street fight
I spilled my guts for perhaps my first story for minds
a segmented placetime or peopled moment from my stream
explored in depth and rounded out with observations
the immersive world of a violent video game,
played in avid conjunction with my peergroup

why not?

where else do I hang out?

(that isn't being covered)
I was going to linger longer but a call to the office
yeilded my standing in the critical path to beta launch
here we go
to work

both edgy joy and sibling tension permeate
jen from new york is a bit touchy
at times massaging my neck and hugging me
at other times prepared at all costs to be pissed off and frustrated by my cavalier sarcasm

vjim explains,
you can do font coloured links,
but only if they're in a table
this really is like voodoo

so I learn and I strive to understand and be patient
I catch myself cursing things beyond my control and outside of even my interest
just to have something to vent at

can't swear at inanimates or intangibles

bad sign
either augment adrenaline with a game

or exercise
but I'm too aggressive with my body my sore arms don't enjoy sudden stretching

I work late
I arrive late
to thursday night dinner
now there are signs to places

"employees only"

"go away"

"wash yer hands"
still no furniture

I thought I saw michael there

but he disappeared

my pending negociations with cyborganic

how much my hosting is cost or worth

and whether to share or separate advertisements therefrom
is at issue
but on the case are three sagittarius
and I'm willing to astrolog that the extended nature of the negociations are in somepart therein to blame

(pardon me.)

things change
and as this company left parties in a house

for parties in "a space"

and business plans
there's bound to be transition
protection, provision

responsiblity

maturity
some day I'll enter like a breeze
and come up against a new plaster wall
keep people out of productive hair
and in line for coffee

unless I mature to keep pace

pardon me, the spirit, or lack

of my writings is down
and I can feel and see the world matching my mindstate

I left work late,
not like the last few lates
but after 11pm I think
I arrived as the energy was flagging

I was frayed,

I had to keep from giggling
when heidi's roommate mylie
absurdly friendly with a lot of soCal stylied makeup and todoo
began quizzing me gregressariously about my hair
I mean it was too absurd and I felt like my second acid trip again
and talking to jim and julie petersen is so weird
in some ways I notice I took the throttle to adjust for a constant speed
because I didn't have the energy to let it flow
perhaps
or maybe I'm being hypercritical
cuz I talked to rebecca

who said she's not a good networker
cuz she can't be fake
and I said I was a good networker, and I didn't think I was fake
and then she said that she could be fake, but it was really draining and that made me think
a growing fascination somehow with rebecca
not to be too corny,
but somehow there seems to be symbols in my life that point to needing to rebecca somehow

her stock is rising
maybe it's my addled brain
but besides launch and marathon, I need distractions
so I followed up in observation
it is as I remember
undaunted streams
occasional brilliance between tons of trapping
maybe the trapping is brilliant
in a thigh high skirt
she sat like the land o' lakes lady

I accipeeked thigh high

she put her hands there

sommodest
drinking a 16 oz tall budweiser can through a straw

"it's so miluakee 1982" she sez

yeah, uh huh
at least she appreciates steve rhodes,
sez of him something memorable and remarkable and true
that I am too burnt out and slouching on my bare boxspring in farting pain to remember

wayne and heidi drove me home
in the back of a well ventilated jeep

san francisco grows colder
they noted my gleam gone, or something
wayne tried to kindle me kindly with words of angst from spacebar
a woman wearing $2000 earrings
this sean found out from "what are you wearing"
and an econic boyfriend
and a big bank job
she somehow finds meaning or release or relief or vacation in my writings
quality is high, I believe she noted, and I touch her somewhere
that fourth hand, and related for purpose
anyways, it feels nice
goddamn stefanie syman of feed is being snotty about advertising on my site

"isn't sure we share a demographic"
wayne thinks my demographic is the web

well, huh, wouldn't that say something

miss new york hoity toity acadmik print cum web
ahh, me. got to stop meeting like this.

strange, they noted,
that my purchase of a fine sandwich from tc's
and three bite appetite loss is a bad sign
but abbe thinks I'm doing good work
and I'm actually making stuff
and the end, though dates continue to sli

is in site,

if I wear my glasses

yesterday I briefly expounded my hyperlinked textbook history

on a sidewalk back from lunch with howard
that a student could explore to her heart's content the pieces and perspectives from history we make available
and howard's history of the computer evolution is the perfect subject matter, and the background materials in existence already are ripe, and the structure is like my life - ever winding
so howard takes this to some big pow wow of big wigs
and runs it by some business men
and calls me today excitedly about the deals that are struck
and how large the vision has become
and all the people, companies and goals that have become intertwined

and I thought about the freedom I thot I had

because I'd left the acadmic gridiron with my good ideas
this is a take the ball and run
good entrepeneurs know a good idea when they see it
you'd better be prepared to carry them on yer back if you want to see where they go
so I'm mentally preparing to let go of my lofty cloud

and bend over

cynical cynical!
look at the benefits and opportunities to learn!
challenge! difference! growth change!

here's this salvation:
I've noticed twice walking through this city
trees with signs on them
notifying a caring public that they are to be removed

reason:

"blocks banners"

"cracking concrete"
aww, fiddlesticks.
so I wrote down the appropriate address of the appropriate beaurocracy
noted the location and situation of the offending foliage

and proceeded to do nothing about it.
tonight, I passed one of said trees,
this one a bank of four trees, every other one of a row of eight or ten
that was to be removed from along third street

just east of moscone center,

between folsom and harrison
and there's a new sign on the trees
it sez there's going to be a public hearing
to debate their fate
5.30pm, monday october 28 room 428 war memorial building 401 van ness
the trees at no. 1 st. francis place
554-6700 for info
I'm going to be there.
it's the least I can do
someone wrote
"Don't mess with the Trees"
and I wrote
"AMen"

and one more salvation:

bbedit
it's a smart program that saves me work without assuming I'm stupid.

I'm feeling sympathy for christiana tomorrow,

she's going to have a lot on her hands.

from sitstart to publinish, 1.25 hours.

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