calling alan k for wine advice and a message for [his daughter] chandra

task I was asked to do for eminds:
read through the virtual community and link relevant persons and passages
I have been proceeding on a slow schedule, to accomodate my design and production work on world wide jam, and my hands and general availability
status report today from my project jefe jill sends howard into a tizzy - another example this is of my failure to follow through and general excuse making lollygagging

it's so absurd I give up, or rather, I'm pissed not defensive

feels more mature like that
jill steps up to write a defense of me some, and a deference to howard some
I call our loose cannon, cuz once it reaches the disappointment stage, it's got to be hands on managed

he is glad to hear from me.
I acknowledge this, the final phase of my lesson of eminds

perhaps my lesson of life
I am a far better inititator
I apply myself to the task of learning to focus,
but it grows clearer that this is not my lot
so I have made a flexible schedule to finish that his delegated authorities have validated

he mentions wondering if he has failed as a teacher

he must forgive himself for his workload and the intense rooming situation
he spent these few months schooling himself mostly it seems
so to malleate this maverick is a little much

but perhaps it could have been something

but this is not an end, merely a sign,

this is not his process
we will work together on writing. nit-picking the pace of a project is not conducive

besides, I own this project, I will see something satisfying before I leave and

return to

carew is proxying my room choice
I am lotteried 30 of 42, for 68 rooms
but many many of those choices are either closets or living with freshfolk unknown and sharing
so I snob some, and inward resign myself to monasticism
make the best of what I get I shall

I look forward to my radio show

and friends
hah - I could live with wilson
but I have to live on the ethernet

fate is operating a plan for me

reading about william randolph hearst is a dangerous way to form vision for future publishing endeavours. by the middle of the book, I'm pretty well alienated.
but there is within his first entres the seed of something active - that by publishing agressively you can shape and direct community
a few of my frustrations with swarthmore could be leavened by saluting the joys they smother
I have, increasingly, less heart for attacking situations; it requires an essentializing simplicity. you can get people to follow by explaining things as life and death, but you risk having to deal with the fall out.
I have the potential to be that kind of leader, but I've lost my heart and my stomach for it. either that or there's nothing that clear to me. there is such a myriad of reasons for everything, and such a present downside to every victory

am I saying that battle is not worth persuing?
I wonder that taking up fighting words with swarthmore hypocrisy is a noble and fair and romantic notion from a come-california boy looking to keep his spirits up and focused after all he'll leave behind

if I sustain this vision through hardship I am become responsible for perhaps falling prey to illusion, driven by my pride and need

and woe to ask someones with me

and now tonight I picture myself better in my closet reading, writing, studying, visiting friends quietly
people can come to my room and ask me about the web, like I'll be some old man and relic not really useful for modern day development of cutting edge content packaging
content to have other folks teach and publish
I feel increasingly awed by the task of effective study
and maybe I'll write some science/fiction.

I'm sure it will wear off tomorrow.

and of course the best plan is to acknowledge that while this hedging and wandering makes for good web and worry
the best plan is to proceed to school with an open mind anticipating potentials.

al decker returns my call, I left him voicemail in vancouver, message sahe was in tucson
he's actually in oakland, he invites me to a party tomorrow night, before he goes to london.
whew.

abbe advises time in the library studying the history of hypermedia multithreaded discussions with meta-commentary

poor fools with brown university with big funding from apple computer couldn't make it so

I can either struggle with pride
or find out what they did so I don't relive the same errors.

she has a point.

so maybe I'll tie hypertext textbook study and creation with sinners, web ethics and ken gergen
collect a cadre of students to make a hypertext reflective vision of a better swarthmore

abbe has pure unadulterated confidence

vjim calls it sass

working on some writing for eminds, my next article, I write this sentence about what I have to show for recent months:

a 40 page start on a fevered yet disjointed pamphlet,

and I'm tired of sitting on it and I hope someone might find it useful or inspiring, and either way I should probably set it free in some form,
so I posted it for download.

I tried to write something extended to (self)publish in print.
if you have the patience or interest to wade through
a 68k draft of manifold manifest: a young person's information appliance

working later and later, until its half past three,
abbe's giving me a rain ride home

when?

surfing wired news, seems cool, even interesting
thot of writing louis a note to tell him as much
and ask what the hell he's doing with his signature on subscription renewal notices asking me if I'm part of the steamroller or part of the road?

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